Andy Rooney Rides
Andy Rooney rides
UP FRONT
David Edwards
PERSONALLY, I DON'T HAVE MUCH affection for the grumpy SOB, but Andy Rooney, that crotchety bellyacher who puts the wrap on CBS's "60 Minutes" news-magazine show every Sunday night, may have found the secret to a happier life. Sometimes, you just gotta vent some steam.
In that Kooney-esque spirit, then, did you ever wonder...
• . .why the toolkits supplied with streetbikes since the days of the Kennedy administration aren't worth the pot metal they're made with? When you buy a $7000 motorcycle, you shouldn't have to make do with an assortment of tools you'd be ashamed to give to your son on his fifth birthday. Also, who's the bony fingered gnome who packs the tools into those chintzy vinyl pouches? I defy any normal person to get all the tools back into place after use.
• . .why the majority of motorcycles now come with seats that have to be lifted off'? It's maddening to have to place the seat down in the dirt or, worse, accidentally lean it up against a hot muffler before continuing road side work. Give us back our flip-up seats. They were good enough for Tri umph Bonnevilles, they're good enough for Suzuki GSX-Rs.
• . .why the self-canceling turnsignal is also on the endangered-species list? In the late 1970s, even commuter bikes had this useful safety feature. Now, it's only found on Harleys, BMWs and top-of-the-line Japanese flagships. I'd argue that those bikes-generally owned by seasoned motorcyclists-need the feature less than the models purchased by young, inexperienced riders.
• . .why centerstands aren't included on every bike, except maybe hard core repli-racers, which need all the ground clearance they can muster? Without a centerstand, changing a tire or even lubing a drive chain becomes about five times more difficult than it needs to be. If centerstands are omit ted for cost reasons, there at least should be provisions for fitting them as optional equipment.
• •why, speaking of options, we don't have more equipment choices when purchasing a new bike? When I ordered my new Chevy pickup, I could tailor it to my exact needs, but about the only choice I have at a motorcycle shop is color scheme-and sometimes not even that. Why, when buying a sport-tourer, for example, can I not order cruise-control or a radio? Why can't I check the "heated-handgrip," "cut-down seat," "burglar alarm" or "extra-tall windshield" option box?
...why most modern motorcycles have no storage capacity whatsoever? A friend of mine owns a Honda VFR75O. "I love it," he says, "but there's no place to store as much as a quarter anywhere on the bike." Com partments and cubby holes are great places to stash road maps, extra gloves or a tire-repair kit, and really add to the usefulness of a bike.
.why only BMW seems to realize that well-designed and properly inte grated detachable hard luggage is a Good Thing? Every model in the Ger man company's lineup can be so equipped. (To be fair, Suzuki does sell aftermarket saddlebags-not nearly as nicely done as BMW's-for the GSX1 bOG, Katana 750 and Katana 1100.) Use a bike with roomy, lock able saddlebags, and it's tough to go back to bungee cords and backpacks. Are you listening Honda (CBR1000, VFR75O, Nighthawk 750), Kawasaki (ZX-1 1, ZX-6, Zephyr 750, KLR65O) and Yamaha (FJ1200, TDM85O)?
• . .why almost every new-bike owner's manual is a joke, chock full of "Consult your authorized dealer" warnings, but little information that the dedicated home mechanic can ac tually use? I realize we live in an in creasingly litigious society, but give us some credit, please, and don't make us buy a $40 shop manual just to set valve clearance.
• . .why fully adjustable controls aren't standard equipment on every motorcycle? A couple of inches of movement at the handlebars and the footpegs would be sufficient to fit the majority of riders, and would also allow the bike to be rigged for each day's ride. Handlebars down, footpegs up for backroad blitzes; the reverse for workday commutes.
• . .why-and I realize this isn't a new complaint-spare parts cost so bloody much? I'm not just talking about $100 headlights or $250 fairing sections for new sportbikes. Recently, I bought the small plastic sidepanel for my 1982 Yamaha Seca 650. Eighty dollars! The whole damn bike is only worth $650-or roughly eight sidepanels. Just think of the good will a manufacturer and its dealer network could generate if they announced a major price re duction on commonly replaced com ponents like exhaust systems and bodywork.
.why some helmet locks are so hard to use that they're virtually worthless? I once witnessed the U.S. vice president of a motorcycle compa ny fumble around trying to hang his Shoei on the firm's top-line sportbike, only to give up in disgust and set the helmet atop the seat. I'd like to say he fired off an angry missive to the home office and got the problem fixed, but the next year brought no change to the model's helmet-lock location.
There, I tee! much better. On the surface, some of this stuff may seem trivial. But added up, these niggles and annoyances sometimes make me wonder if the talented architects of today's wonderbikes have actually spent any serious saddle time on the machines they build. Or had to adjust their chains. Or replace a fuse on the side of the road at night. Or buy re placement parts.
If the answer is no to any of the above, then maybe we all should turn into grumpy SOBs and start voicing our complaints. Andy would want it that way.
