Oh, Why, Tell Me Why

Oh, why, tell me why

EDITORIAL

NOBODY HAS BEEN BEATING MY DOOR down to hear me ask, but:

—Why has it suddenly become so difficult to design sportbikes with rear-view mirrors that provide a rear view? I don’t need to see my shoulders and armpits; I need to see the Peterbilt or the patrol car or the run-away Audi that’s bearing down on me from behind.

—Why can’t bikes have gas gauges that actually work? I’ve seen gas gauges on lawnmowers that were more accurate and reliable than most of those on motorcycles.

—Why do the vast majority of today’s motorcycles—which everybody agrees are the most mechanically complex two-wheelers ever builtstill come with toolkits that wouldn’t even make good Cracker Jack prizes, and owner’s manuals that don’t tell an owner anything except what he’s not supposed to do?

—Why are sportbikes invariably equipped with non-adjustable handlebars that can’t even be replaced with something of a different rise and bend? All men might be created equal, but they grow up to have an extremely wide variety of physical dimensions.

—For the same reasons, why don’t motorcycles have quickly and easily adjustable footrests (including the passenger’s) and foot controls?

—Why do so many motorcycles— with the exception of most touring bikes—not have passenger seats on which you would dare put anyone you care for? Sportbikes in particular force their passengers into positions suitable only for childbirth.

—Why are the horns on most bikes such polite—and therefore uselesslittle beepers? Horns need to be obnoxiously loud so they can make comatose car drivers instantly aware that they are about to squash the motorcyclist they haven’t seen.

—Why are most turnsignals wired to allow a delay of a second or so between the activation of the switch and the illumination of the bulbs? Turnsignals need to come on the instant the switch is moved (as they do in automobiles) so that in a quick, forced lane-change, everyone in the

vicinity learns of a motorcyclist’s intentions much sooner—soon enough, maybe, to prevent an ugly accident.

—Why are so many integrated ignition/fork locks so ridiculously easy to defeat? Many have their critical mechanisms right out in plain view where they easily can be bashed out of commission, and some even can be removed—while still locked—by simply undoing a couple of screws.

—Why, in fact, have bike manufacturers not applied the same level of engineering to the design of all antitheft devices as they have to the quest for ever-higher performance? Since absurdly high insurance rates—to which bike theft makes a sizable contribution—are one of the biggest detriments to motorcycle sales, this matter ought to be a very high priority, should it not?

—Why must touring bikes be built so that rear-wheel removal requires a rollaway toolbox and the complete disassembly of the back half of the motorcycle? What’s a touring rider to do if he gets a rear flat on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of nowhere (meaning that all the bike shops are either closed or half a county away) and has only the bike’s toolkit (which might be one of the aforementioned dumb ones) to work with?

—Why do liquid-cooled motorcycles have to be rolling saunas? A warm-weather ride already is uncomfortable enough for anyone wearing the proper safety equipment, but volunteering to get roasted like a Christmas goose is too much to ask.

—Why are so many motorcycles designed with no places to hook bungee cords? A few bikes are built with specific attachment points for bungees, but most are either illogically placed or allow the metal part of the bungee to chew up the bodywork.

—Why are the clutch and frontbrake master cylinders located up on the handlebars, where they can (and so often do) spill or leak highly corrosive brake fluid on some extremely expensive body parts?

Hey, wait a minute, most of you readers are probably saying to yourselves, why is this guy asking me these questions? I don’t build motorcycles, I just ride them.

Well, to be honest, I’m not directing these questions to you. I’m asking them of the captains of the motorcycle industry. I don’t have to name them, or even know them; they know who they are. I just hope they’re reading this. And I want them to know that you're reading it, too.

Now, I know that you industry movers and shakers already are up to your ears in work, trying to find more and better ways to move bikes during this period of slumping sales. But that’s my very point. I’ve watched this industry develop the most astonishing and sophisticated performance machines imaginable, but still continue to build annoyances into them such as those I’ve just listed. And I’ve watched a lot of riders finally grow tired of dealing with these not-well-thought-out elements year after year and decide to spend their money on some other form of recreation. Design slip-ups like these might seem trivial to you, but they can turn into major aggravations for anyone who has to live with them— even if they occur on one of the fastest, most stylish bikes on the road.

So I just wanted to point out a few of them to you. There are too many others to list them all here, but I’ll be glad to discuss them with you anytime you so wish.

Besides, we’re both attacking the same problem, but from different directions. You want to see more riders come into the sport; I want to see fewer leave it. Paul Dean