10-Teat Canis Familiaris "Pursuit"
10-TEAT CANIS FAMILIARIS "PURSUIT"
CYCLE WORLD ROAD TEST
"Know Thine Enemy"
IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY that you will be able to buy this particular model at your local motorcycle shop. In fact, it is hard to find a fellow motorcyclist who will buy one, let alone sell one.
But followers of this highly unusual mode of transport are many in number, and develop a high degree of enthusiasm for them, and, in some cases, something akin to love. This is a most unrational attitude, for as every motorcyclist knows, Man’s Best Friend is Rider’s Worst Enemy. Which is why we have decided to súbject a representative model to the rigors of a CYCLE WORLD road test. In knowing thine enemy, ye may better get the best of him in combat.
In our normal road test procedure we obtain a brand new model direct from the Distributor. With this particular model, however, a distributor was difficult to find. Canis distributors as a group tend to be somewhat nefarious about maintaining a fixed place of business and continuing customer service. Take delivery of a new one, and zap, the whole distribution set-up has dried up in a few weeks.
Undeterred, we decided to acquire a used small-bore model with low mileage. For this purpose, we went to a popular place in Huntington Beach, informally called the Dog Pound. Prices arc very good here, so we forked out SI 2.50 for a very clean, fast 10-teat Canis Familiaris Pursuit model, plus another S10 in registration fees. No guarantee comes with the purchase price in a deal like this, nor in some cases can you even be sure about place of manufacture. However, a good, clean dog is a good clean dog, unless you are an AKC freak, and Daisy, as we subsequently named the 4-month-old model, is a good, clean dog.
You’ll find that the break-in period, even on a used Canis Familiaris, is quite extended in time. It can be annoying, in fact. Daisy, after several thorough goings-over with a newspaper, persisted in leaking and losing unseemly deposits in the most unlikely places. However, this comment is more for the purposes of description than criticism, as this phenomenon is common to the breed. Most models respond to a knowledge -ablely wary owner, and our Daisy has tightened up nicely in her 12th month. She now leaks only at prescribed intervals. In fact, Daisy is better than some of her big-bore competitors, which are known to drip constantly from the fuel intake orifice, even after the break-in period. In general, though, a Canis Familiaris compares quite favorably to most motorcycles, which drip incessantly, no matter how many times you hit them with a newspaper. Another characteristic of Canis Familiaris is that its fuel consumption is quite predictable, with only one slight disadvantage it consumes the luel whether you take it on an outing or not.
As with motorcycles, Canis Familiaris have become quite specialized in modern times. Some of them are sleek, fast racers, others are quite tractable at slow speeds, some are designed for operation in extreme cold weather, some are for indoor operation, and yet others specialize in outdoor pursuit.
We purchased our 10-Teat Canis Pursuit as a dual purpose unit. She is to be distinguished from the No-Teat model by her milder state of tune. She combines all the above attributes with grace, and economy, and has a strong suit in all-terrain tracking and pursuit. This is, in fact, the kind of Canis Familiaris with which most motorcyclists would he concerned. They are often seen snarling at the heels of an unwary rider who has dallied too long in what that dog regards as his turf.
The motive power for a Canis is remarkable. If one is ever modified to properly carry a motorcycle rider, it would constitute a great threat to most of the manufacturers of dual purpose off-road machines. It is silent, quick-starting, fast, flexible, and causes no air pollution. And, this motor is housed in an all-terrain suspension system which has yet to be equaled by any motorcycle maker. The reason that a Canis Familiaris is not yet a commercially feasible means of sporting transport has to do with certain inadequacies in its control system, which we will discuss later.
A typical Canis is powered by a subtle form of internal combustion, which is not really combustion at all, but a form of energy conversion involving gradual oxidation. No need to go into this in great technical detail, other than to say that you put fuel in one end and it produces energy and waste byproducts, which can easily be recycled into the ecology, unlike the wastes from a conventional i.c. engine. As the power is produced by electrical synapses triggering contracting organic tissue to cause release of chemically stored energy, there are no internally reciprocating parts to cause undue vibrations. Carburetor intake noise is generally the most noticeable thing coming from the power plant. Occasional back-firing through the fuel/air intake can be annoyingly loud, and occurs in the form of low growls, sneezes, loud repeated reports or disturbing high whistling sounds. Fortunately, these sounds do not frequently represent a mechanical malt unction, and in fact may prove useful to the motorcyclist by warning him of the impending presence of a Canis.
The true magic of the Canis Familiaris is in its suspension system, for the Manufacturer has seen tit to do away with the time-honored wheel. Instead, it consists ot four articulated members hinged loosely to a single-backbone frame. The concept of structural rigidity has been abandoned, and looseness rather than stiffness is now a characteristic to be sought in achieving supple handling and maneuverability. The suspension units also provide the driving and/or braking torce to the ground by alternately swinging back and forth in a generally longitudinal direction. The advantages accruing from this system are manifold:
The Canis may be steered by the front or the back members, independently, together or even by a single member. Traction is provided by five knobby pads at the tip of each member, and special cleats provide extra traction on slippery surfaces. The “Wheelbase,” or stance, is infinitely variable from zero to 37 in. and therefore may be brought up short for tight, twisting sections, or extended to near maximum length for high speed stability. In addition, suspension travel is independent in all four members, being effectively limited only by ground clearance at the air filter casing, which is often, but not always, the lowest point on the frame. I his enables many Canis Familiaris models to outperform the most advanced trials machines. We have yet to see Sammy Miller clean a six-foot brick wall with both wheels up.
Not all Canis Familiaris possess this agility, which seems to be related to a more or less ideal ratio involving ground clearance and maximum wheelbase. This formula is expressed as WB divided by GC. If speed in a straight line is the primary consideration, the WB/GC ratio will be about 6 to 1, particularly useful for the Greyhound, which makes an excellent flat track racer. Increasing the WB/GC ratio much beyond this will produce no extra speed and will actually sacrifice agility. Canis Dachshund, for example, has a WB/GC of approximately 8:1, and is not particularly fast. Furthermore, it can't climb or jump for beans.
Our Canis Pursuit model epitomizes the ideal off-road combination of speed and turning agility with a WB/GC of 4.1:1. Which brings up an important point. The motorcyclist with an eye for WB/GC ratio can readily assess his chances of evading the pursuit of a snarling, backfiring Canis. Of course, the larger the Canis, the less relevant WB/GC is, unless the rider is engaged in combat with an old, clapped out model.
10-TEAT CANIS FAMILIARIS "PURSUIT"
$12.50
Yet another advantage accruing to this drive/suspension system is the elimination of the gearbox. The gear ratio is, in effect, infinitely variable and peak horsepower is available at any point from dead stop to peaking speed. In general, it is not a good idea to run a Canis Pursuit flat out for more than 15 min., as severe depletion of the power-producing chemical reserves results. The cooling system also leaves something to be desired, and requires constant replenishment if the unit is stressed for any length of time. And, overheating causes it to leak more often.
Nonetheless, performance is excellent. Our Canis Pursuit sustains a top end drive of 32 mph at maximum motivation for about a quarter-mile. This drops to 22 mph at the half-mile mark, and then decreases to an 18-mph cruise which may be sustained for about half an hour.
We had difficulty with the acceleration portion of the performance test, primarily because the director at Lions Drag Strip was not easily convinced a Canis Pursuit merited the wear on his Chrondek timers. “Road test? Road test, my foot,” he muttered. “Get that goddam mongrel out of my rocking chair or you’ll never use this drag strip again.”
“Mongrel,” we felt, was a misnomer, and we told him so. Daisy was actually a one-off design.
This hardly convinced him, but as nobody else was using the strip that day, he condescended to a few trial runs.
It was difficult to achieve consistency in the acceleration runs due to certain inadequacies in the control system. The Canis Pursuit staged well (“Stay, Daisy, stay, that’s a good girl, stay, dammit!”) and got off the line smartly (“Sic ’em!”) but veered sharply to the right or left only a few hundred feet out.
The problem appears to be too much nose bias, a significant design fault, not easily corrected. It is even dangerous, as we found out on one run when the Canis Pursuit veered, as usual, but this time flew over the crash wall and headed across a patch of dirt towards a nearby rifle range.
Poor quality control showed up in the area of traction, too. The pavement was extremely hot, and when we finally got Daisy motivated for a straight, true shot at the quarter-mile, her frontal pads blistered and tore off just short of the e.t. light. This slowed her up considerably, but nonetheless she scratched her way up the strip in 33.2 sec. The first eighth was a marvelous sight, for she got off the line beautifully, wobbled slightly to the right, and, as she caught sight of our man Nicholas inching ahead on his 650, responded competitively with a desperate drive to keep up, backfiring and growling all the wav. It was neck and neck to the timing trap, but, alas, she
blew, having given her all for CYCLE WORLD. After a trip to the hospital, she was well on the way to repair, although her racing activities were curtailed for a few weeks due to the bandages up front.
Nonetheless, this small-bore Canis Pursuit has some redeeming features. Styling is impeccable and the entire model is lined with attractive, golden-brown smooth fur; although workmanship is somewhat sloppy (it sheds), the fur lining is selfrenewing. A novel feature in this age of Disposables!
The lines are stocky and strong, softened by gentle moldings on the frame and suspension units. This is definitely a motorcycle rider’s sort of Canis. It is sporting, masculine, fearless, rugged, sleek, graceful, and inspires (as well as exhibits) curiosity. We find the 10 buttons on the subframe somewhat overdone, reminiscent of those hokey fender holes on the Buicks of the early 50’s, but at least they appear functional. A small-bore Pursuit doesn’t offer the imposing status of a big-bore Canis, nor the torque, but it performs nearly as well and is far more economical. You just have to keep the rpm’s up. It lacks the prestige of a brand-name Canis, but nobody buys a small-bore one-off design for show anyway.
In summation, the 10-Teat Canis Familiaris Pursuit is a great off-road device, flawed by lack of control integrity (a sub-distributor informs us that this fault can be corrected by the addition of a special governor accessory known as a leash, albeit with a slight loss in speed). It is redeemed by its flexibility and the wide variety of fuels that it may consume, including, for example: meal, water, dog chow, couch covers, motocross tires, Permatex tubes, screwdriver handles and racing leathers.
We would recommend it only for the serious rider, who wants and has time to experiment with and maintain a sophisticated “multi” design. But we are afraid that its advantageous price and styling will appeal to creepy, dumb novices, who will find that it is a bitch of a handler. [Ö]
