Two Bad
TWO BAD
Mr. Ness' 24-carat magnum opus
KEVIN CAMERON
MOTORCYCLE? SPACESHIP? WHAT IS this? It's not A chopper-there's nothing you can chop to get this result. There's no frame, there are two Sportster engines tied together, and what's with that front end? Where's the gas tank? It is a custom bike, but that covers any altered motorcycle. Let's call it a very unconventional American-style design study.
This machine was built by Arlen Ness in the 1980s, and it's here in the magazine to remind us that anything is possible. Ness built "Two Bad" in his home shop, and the work took about a year. Now a word about craftsmanship. Back in WWII, aircraft factories were high-volume sheetmetal shops. Once the Korean War had passed, jet aircraft were fabricated from machined parts, which forced the development of CNC machining. Fewer but much fancier aircraft were built, manufactured to incredible standards. This turned aviation back into a low-volume, craftsmanship-based operation, and created a work force of imaginative people who could do anything with materials. This-because of human nature-overflowed into the custom-motorcycle arena to foster construction of bikes like this one, with detailed workmanship that is all but faultless.
“I’m not sure I could build this bike today,” says Ness, 66, recognized as the Godfather of the custom-bike movement.
Why put this artistry into motorcycles? Because they’re fun and really have no other reason to exist. After a hard day tackling the great issues of our age at plant or office, it’s time to lighten up, and pizza and beer don’t get it for everyone. Let’s make something just because we can. Let’s let our abilities and our imagination run right off the edge of the drawing.
Why custom motorcycles, as opposed to motocrossers, roadracers, or any of the other defined categories? Because in the latter, craftsmanship and imagination exist only as servants of some practical purpose. Yes, we can get into practical, but is that all there is? Can’t we just start cutting metal and bending tube and see where it leads?
This motorcycle is extremely unconventional-almost unrecognizable by the conventions of today’s custom-bike movement. That’s where its value lies; it leads us outside the narrow confines of today’s accepted custom-bike style.
Conventions are useful guides to action, but unless we think custom bikes have reached the end of the line, there has to be a way that leads through the present to some kind of future.
This bike is a visual pun-it tackles basic custom-bike themes in novel ways. At first glance, it could be a bundle of snakes protecting golden treasure. A chopper has a long, spidery front end. So does this bike, but its front end is horizontal, like a fuel dragster’s, and its steering is a linkage-controlled hub-center unit.
The traditional chopper has a vanishingly small gas tank. This bike’s tank is gone-fuel is carried in those triangular accents front and rear. Current customs emphasize a massive engine and rear tire. Two Bad’s powerplant is a Star Wars spaceship, engraved and gold-plated, mixing organic and machine shapes, full of details that invite inspection.
Some motorcyclists resent the explosive recent popularity of customs. They say,
“Choppers get on TV and now our magazines are choked with them,” and, “If customs are so individualistic, how come they’re as alike as 600cc sportbikes?” I want them to answer this question: Is it a good or a bad thing that millions of TV viewers, many of whom have never thought about motorcycles at all, are now paying attention to them? In the 1960s, bike purists scorned scootersbut thousands of scooter ists went on to become motorcyclists. Same with the "CEO Harley riders" of the `90s. Okay, they didn't ride as far as Aspencaders or as hard as MX or sportbike pilots. But their interest (ably assisted by the Guggenheim show "Art of the Motorcycle") exposed a whole new slice of Americans to motorcy cling. So it is now with custom bikes, like them or not.
Customs have the limelight now, but no one knows what’s next. It’s true that many customs are copies of a simple plan, but copying comes before creativity. I’m pleased that so many people want or care about vehicles built to their owners’ taste, whether put together at home or professionally. The range of superb parts now available to builders is truly wonderful.
Innovation is always rare, but as hot-rodding shows, the more people tackling a problem, the sooner it is solved.
For all these reasons, we present Arlen Ness’ “Two Bad.” For the purist, it breaks the mold of conventionality, nudging the imagination. Machinists say the craftsmanship on bikes like this one is just about as good as it can be made. When you look at “Two Bad,” choke back the reflex of practical objections that we all feel-what’s its purpose, how can it stop, won’t the rider’s pants catch on fire? Once a great jazzman was asked, “What does your music mean?” He replied, “Mean? It don’t mean nothin’.” That is, there is no schoolboy right answer. There is only what it means to you. A poem or song is not a statement of fact or a story, but an arrangement of emotion-charged words that may resonate with the listener. So a custom bike is not a set of specs-quarter-mile time, fuel mileage, wheelbase, etc. It is a set of powerful, suggestive shapes that may ring bells in the viewer’s mind. Can we look at a pair of open, air-hungry Weber carbs feeding a Roots supercharger and feel nothing? Forget GSX-Rs for a moment. Forget purpose. Just look.
